April 5 - L.R.

MY STORY, FROM DARK TO LIGHT, BY L.R.

I was born on a rainy Wednesday and as the old saying goes, Wednesday's child is full of woe, pretty accurate description of my early years. When I was born the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck and the doctor had to spin me around to untangle me, born dizzy.

I was raised as a Catholic, basically if you were Italian, you were a Catholic or a pagan. I went to Catholic grammar school in Elizabeth, N.J. I tended to get picked on as a child which nurtured a hatred for bullies. I used to get beat up often enough that my father told me one day that the next time I got beaten up in school I would lose another fight when I got home. My father was the heavy fisted type so that turned out to be the motivation I needed, I stopped losing fights from that day forward.

One day I was in a fight with another kid from my class in school. The fight went from the school to the corner intersection by my house, the fight lasted a good 6 blocks to get to this point. Someone went to my house to try to get me in trouble for fighting but then I could hear in the distance, "kill him! Beat his butt!" I recognized my father's voice so I beat the kid's butt. My father was so proud of me, that's when I learned that what made him happy was that I was good at being violent. To him he was raising a man just like him.

When I was around 10 yrs. old I discovered a possible answer as to why he drank as much as he did and was prone to violence. I was exploring in the cellar one day and took notice of a space between the drop ceiling and the floorboards of the first floor. I climbed up on a chair and looked inside the space and I saw a paper bag. I reached in and pulled out the bag and looked inside and saw a .38 cal. revolver and a black stocking mask. As it turned out a part of my family were involved with organized crime. This explained alot!

I remember one day at dinner time, I was helping my mother by setting the table for dinner when my father yelled up from the cellar for me to come down. When I reached the bottom of the stairway my father said to me, "where is it?" I replied "where's what?" Next thing I knew I had a gun pointed at my head and he asked where's my other gun? I told him I didn't know, he told me to stop lying to him or he'd kill me. At this time my mother called downstairs for us to come to dinner. I ran up the stairs and sat down. A few minutes later my father sat down at the table and after a few minutes he said, "I found it". That was the extent of his apology.

There was another time that I recall I had to dig my own grave in the back yard, I honestly forget what I had done but I remember digging the hole chest deep, he apparently was satisfied with that and told me "that's good now fill it back in".

One Thanksgiving as we were about to leave to go to my grandma's house for dinner my father pulled me aside, gave me a gun and told me to stick it in my pants. I just looked at him and he said "just in case." I'm glad I never found out in case of what. I was 16.

My mother and I used to be a tag team defending each other from his violent outbursts, when he was beating on me she would jump on his back and when he was beating my mother I would jump on his back. I would try to restrain my father but I never struck him believing God would paralyze me if I hit my father. If nothing else I learned to never hit a woman seeing the emotional damage it did.

My father was a construction worker in the union that his first cousin controlled. I and everyone else referred to him as Uncle Joe out of respect. From this point on I knew my family was different from everyone else. My father was also a fireman for Elizabeth, for the benefits and steady pay, so he said.

At 16, I went to work in construction with the union, Uncle Joe said if anyone asked me for my book to tell them that he was holding it and to call him. I started making money at 16, I was pulling in around $1,600 a week doing special jobs and taking care of people on the job sites. Before you think I was some juvenile crazed killer, I took care of old men who needed a paycheck to survive by handling their work for them and giving busy work (basically look like you're doing something) to medical students, law students and relatives of politicians who needed extra money to further their educations. Joe took care of and helped many people achieve their goals. Yes, he was a mob boss and yes he was responsible for people's deaths but to me he was always a benefactor.

As time marched on I felt that I was close to being initiated in the family business which I really didn't want, it was fun being associated but being made was something else.

I enlisted in the Air Force to distance myself from things but as fate would have it a leopard can't change his spots and I got mixed up in things while I was in Texas.

After I got Honorably Discharged I returned home and went back into the construction business. I was a medic in the Air Force but I couldn't get a job in the hospital, I heard I was too qualified or not qualified enough.

I liked going to one tavern in particular, great friendly people. There I became good friends with a sergeant from State Prison George Blaz. While I was on a short layoff George asked me if I needed a job, I asked him where at? He said the prison! I almost choked on my beer, I told him I'm trying to stay out of that place and you want me to voluntarily go there? I told him he was crazy. After he explained all the benefits, pay and pension system I figured maybe I'd give it a try, after all I had previously applied for the Police.

When I worked there I broke the old average of attacks on correction officers from 2 to 4 a year. I just didn't take any crap from anybody and when I had problems with inmates I took care of it myself at inconvenient times for the inmates. Working at the prison was my wake up call though. I knew there was absolutely no way I was going to end up locked up in this or any other prison. It was time to turn legit.

I worked at the prison for about a year and during that time I worked manpower and filled in as needed on the wings. I was also on the "goon squad" when there were inmate uprisings we would run in and clean house. We also tossed the cells of inmates suspected of having contraband. Whenever the riot bell sounded you always saw the same people run into it and the cowards that went the other way, intimidation and the ability to fight were the quickest way to get inmate respect. Intelligence, kindness, compassion didn't work. If they thought you were crazier then they were, they listened.

One night I was working a dormitory wing with 70 beds that was on the second floor of another dormitory wing. An inmate who I knew as ok came up and asked if he could talk to someone on the wing for a minute, so I allowed it. Shortly after I heard screams, banging and saw the guy I allowed up running out of the wing. I shouted after him to stay downstairs and not come back. But then here he comes again running full tilt into the dorm I chased after him and a full riot was brewing. I threw inmates into lockers, used a broom as a baton and proceeded to go to town when I realized... am I freakin nuts? I ran back to my desk and pressed the riot bell then dove back in.

The riot squad arrived and I pointed out everyone who needed to go to "The Hole". The inmate that started everything was also the head gang leader in the prison. I went up front to write my report and when I returned to take over the wing again two members of the Campeze mob in Newark came up to me and asked me if anyone hit me, if they did they would take care of them overnight. I said thanks anyway, I'm good. By the way all the mob guys that were inside knew who I was related to and kept an eye on me.

After this incident I got my acceptance letter from the Police Dept. Coincidentally I found out there was a contract out on me so I cut my losses and left the prison until I was hired by the police.

Before I could actually join the police I needed to get my Uncle's blessing, without it I wouldn't take the job, that was how much I respected him. When I told him of my intention to become a cop to my surprise he gave me his blessing with one condition, I would forget everything I've seen and heard and he'd never ask me for a favor. You couldn't ask for a better deal! We shook hands and it was done. My father, on the other hand, called me every name in the book, called me a traitor and a piece of garbage.

When I was on the job for not even six months my phone rang, it was my Uncle Joe who stated someone there wanted to talk to me. Next thing I knew I heard the Mayor asking me if I want to be a detective, if I did I start tomorrow! I thanked him for the offer and told him I'd rather earn the position like everyone else. The Mayor told me "you got alot to learn kid" and handed the phone back to my Uncle who asked what happened so I told him. Uncle Joe said I think you made a mistake but I respect your decision. You see, I knew if I would have accepted this offer it would cancel out our prior agreement and put me in debt and I would have to repay. I felt it was better to leave things alone for the better and it was definitely the right choice. By the way a merit system is a myth, all political appointment.

I worked downtown for the vast majority of my career which was the most violent part of town and frankly I loved it. It was the best because there were no shortage of fights for me to get into but the difference was I was fighting for the good guys now instead of the bad guys.

During my time as a cop I felt I did alot of good for the people in my town. I had my own set of laws, 1. don't mess with my family 2. my food 3. my money, other then that I could tolerate you. My personal rules for dealing with the public were 'I didn't hit people who were handcuffed, I didn't plant any drugs on people and if it was possible, if I had to lock up a guy and his kids were around I would give him the option... "you're going to jail, you can come outside with me and be a gentleman so your kid doesn't see you get arrested or we can do it here in front of your kid." Most often they would walk outside with me and not give me any problems. Biggest lesson I learned in my career is if you give people respect they will more often than not do whatever you ask them to do.

I smoked alot, I drank alot and I was carnally inclined. My rule with women was to leave them smiling, there's no need to be cruel especially during a breakup. Make everyone feel special.

As the years passed I got married and had two great boys who are my pride and joy, mostly lol. One night I had a peculiar dream, vision, feeling, it's hard to describe but I had thousands of dreams in my life and who can remember any of them; you have them, you wake up, and they're gone. Not this time. I was in a church standing in front of a group of people with my weapon drawn facing the enemy who was coming closer. I felt more then heard "protect the Christians". Shots were fired at the Christians and I was hit multiple times but refused to go down until I eliminated the threat. I remember laying on my back looking up at people's faces. This was 25-30yrs ago, was God sending me a message? I never forgot this and took it to mean my destiny was sealed and nothing could kill me until this happened. The result I didn't have a normal level of fear or caution, I ran into situations and did alot of things that needed doing without hesitation because I knew God wasn't done with me yet. He was my protector, even this Catholic guy knew if God got your back, you're good!

Time goes by, I end up divorced and was staying at a cousin's house who was the only one to take me in, I was a bit strapped. Anyway one day a friend from high school sends me a text out of the blue and asks me if I read the Bible. I told him once in awhile I might open it up but nothing really. He suggested I read the book of John and to let him know what I thought. I read John three times in a row and cried each time amazed at the great love Jesus had for everyone. I finished reading through the whole Bible and haven't stopped yet. One day I took my boys to the diner and you know those apartment books they have? My son picked one up and told me to look through it. I saw an affordable looking apartment in Old Bridge and ended up moving there. My friend in the meantime was telling me about a church he went to that had this really great Pastor that he thought I should hear. I kept telling him maybe someday. Then one day we were talking after I just moved into my new apartment and I told him where it was. He was shocked and said are you kidding me? You literally live around the corner from the church I wanted you to come to. Calvary Chapel. ( if this wasn't the work of the Holy Spirit I don't know what is).

I started going to service every Sunday and listening to The Bridge radio station everyday. It's like a hunger, I always wanted to hear more and understand more of God's word.

I had retired from the police dept. and was working for a security company as armed security. I was a visible deterrent and was to stand outside the bank in all types of weather for 7-9 hrs. a day. My legs were starting to hurt badly especially my left leg. I ended up on pain management for 2 yrs. going to a chiropractor, therapy and a pain doctor who prescribed some serious pain killers. I kept listening to The Bridge and was driving home one day after taking my boys out for dinner, the Pastor did an altar call and I cried out loud for Jesus to come into my heart and fill me with His Spirit. Immediately I was overcome by waves of it, felt like electricity, I felt it as the Spirit entered me and I was smiling and crying my eyes out at the same time. Then I remembered I was driving, miraculously I didn't get into an accident, and I praised God.

Some months after I was born again, the pain was getting too much for me. I was wearing a metal leg brace and my left knee and leg and back were killing me. I couldn't hardly get dressed the pain was so great. I prayed everyday, all day, for Jesus to take my pain away. I had responsibilities, child support and bills, I had to keep working. I could barely go upstairs, I needed both arms on the banister and one step at a time a very slow painful process.

Then it happened, I started to get my uniform together and noticed I didn't have any pain! I got dressed, I knew it was Jesus, and started praying in thanks. I went the whole day without a lick of pain, nothing! I even ran up and down a staircase in front of my supervisor without holding onto anything, I was overjoyed and overwhelmed. Then I got home.

I took off my uniform and the pain came back as strong as before. Also on the weekends when I wasn't working the pain was there. Come Monday morning and everyday that I worked, the pain would disappear for work and return when I stopped. I said to myself maybe I should have asked for the pain to be taken away completely. Jesus answered my prayer in a way this thick headed Italian would never forget. He allowed me to work as requested but reminded me who was in control everyday! I thanked Jesus every day even through the pain because He was so good to me.

I lived like this for two months when one day my girlfriend who is now my wife, told me about an orthopedic surgeon that her family knew who was supposed to be good. I went to see him and was sitting down when he told me to stand and walk towards him. He immediately said my left Hip was shot! I said you're crazy my knee is what hurts. He made me go in the next room for x-rays and bam! My left hip was pulverized on one side! I was misdiagnosed all this time and kept wishing I came here sooner.

I had the surgery, used a walker for one week, a cane for one week and after that I didn't need help; I just kept up with my therapy. I was only out two months from surgery to full duty thanks to God! I went back to work for the same security co. for about two months when I got a text Friday morning, by the way today is the last day of the contract!" I was shocked but then I prayed to Jesus to help me find a job. There was this other company I was told about awhile ago that I attempted to contact on numerous occasions and nobody ever picked up, I left messages but no return calls. After I prayed I was moved to try calling again, this time on the first ring the director of HR answered the phone. We started talking and I told him how I prayed for a job and how it was God's will I should work there. We joked around a little then he told me to come in on Monday to meet. It was a good interview and I filled out the hiring packet that day and went to work on Wednesday at the unemployment office in Perth Amboy. I figured I was sent for a reason, there were plenty of people in need of hope so I would take the opportunity to share when I could. I even had a few people come to Calvary for a service. I had a great 4 yrs working at this location.

One day I got a call and was asked if I would go to New Brunswick because they needed me to take over security for the Workmen Compensation Court. I prayed as always to see if I should go there and so then I went. I established all the security procedures there and I loved my job and the judges liked me too. The job was fine but I still felt like I wasn't fulfilled here. One day I was talking to a Pastor about things and the conversation drifted to security and he mentioned that someone new took over the security ministry and I should go talk to him so I did. I met the Pastor in charge of the security ministry who interviewed me and I joined the security ministry at the church. While I was serving at the church I was also asked if I would take the security position at the school, I then met the new principal and got his approval also.

My dream, vision, feeling from all those years ago became clear, I am supposed to be here. I was guided straight to where I'm supposed to be. The way I see it I serve my Lord Jesus by protecting His flock, the teachers and staff, nurture and guide the lambs in the flock. My job is to defend the sheep as the sheepdog. My purpose in life is to do the will of Jesus, I am His humble servant to the end. Someday when it's time for me to go I can think of no better way to die then in service to the Lord.

Back while I was living in darkness I didn't realize that I was, when you are covered in darkness long enough your eyes adjust to the darkness and things appear to be right in your eyes. I was also one of those who thought that if my good deeds outweighed my bad deeds I would go to heaven. I even went to church twice a year and gave an envelope. When I was saved a veil was lifted from my eyes and I was able to see clearly for the first time. I felt deceived by those who I had trusted to lead me to heaven. Satan is the greatest liar and deceiver for a reason, he caters to our fleshly desires making people feel good on their way to eternal destruction. Thank you Jesus for leaving the 99 to come for this lost sheep, I owe you everything.