April 18 - Joann Doka

When my mom was on her death bed, I wasn't able to be by her side, to hold her hand and it always bothered me that I couldn't be there. My brother called me from her room, told me "it won't be long now" and he put the telephone near her ear.

When she first got sick on February 26th, who knew she'd be in the hospital for three months and would pass on May 27th and to make matters worse, she did not get sick close to home but an hour away, hence a different hospital. I fought with her doctors tooth and nail to have them move her, but, told, she was too critical and so for three months, every weekend, I went to see her; my brother prepared me for what to expect.

At first, when I prayed, I prayed and prayed for her to get better "please Godddddddd, please", but as the months passed, I prayed "please Godddddddd, take her home". I couldn't see her suffer and she was not getting better but, oh how I loved her and wanted her to stay too. So with the phone to her ear, me: "Mom, mom, you can let go, mom; you can go home to our Father and you will see Vito and Anthony, Ma, let go, Ma, you can let go", tears streaming down my face. My brother said she was shaking her head "no" and I felt bad for telling her to let go. She did let go and I miss her every single day.

Tonight, Frank and I were watching a series called "Keep Breathing". One scene: The doctor told her to tell her dad he can let go and she said she couldn't and she actually got very angry with the doctor. Reminded me of me with my mom except I could tell her to let go. Later in the scene, her dad is on his deathbed and she is looking at him, how he is suffering and with tears streaming down her face she told him, it's okay Dad, you can let go, it's okay dad, you can let go and this is when I started crying; my goodness, what a memory for me, as if God was telling me through this series, "don't carry a heavy heart Joann, it was the right thing to do".

God talks to us many ways, yes, He talked to me tonight. Thank you God, you truly eased me tonight; I do love you <3 <3 Never ever think God does not hear you. He does. He may take time in answering but He answers. For me, it took 28 years but, in my heart, I knew, what could be so wrong with telling her to go with our Father, to go with Jesus, nothing, absolutely nothing, this only confirmed it for me.