April 4 - Alyssa Rakossy

For many years, I have known that Jesus has been part of my life. However, in recent years, I have encountered many years of pain and emotional suffering and rather than run away and hide my problems within myself I ran to CCOB. On New Year's Eve leading into 2024 I vowed that this is the year that I run to Jesus and follow in His footsteps and getting baptized is my way of releasing my pain to Jesus and showing Him that I am ready to follow His plan for me.

From childhood, Jesus has been a part of my life. As a Roman Catholic, I received all the Sacraments from Baptism all the way through to Confirmation. However, as I grew as a Catholic Jesus started to become secondary in my life. I began going to church less and when I reached sophomore year of high school I began that spiral of doubt that God and Jesus were not as powerful as they were. I went through a time so traumatic that I threw my hands up and said, "why must I go through this? I thought you cared about me!" From then on, I tried to rekindle my faith through college and that resulted in inconstancy. I joined a Bible Study only to feel a sense of not belonging since I had no clue what these women were talking about. I also felt this pain that still lingered from my past events. I felt alone and unheard, and still I did not run to the Lord.

My doubts resurfaced when I was let go from my job as a teacher within my parish school. I sat alone in a pew and cried because I thought this was where I was meant to be. I felt alone and honestly unloved by everyone and everything since I worked so hard to get where I was only to have it taken from me. I masked my pain to make people believe I was okay. My wall finally came down on New Years Eve leading into 2024. I was in the middle of a tidal wave of family drama and rather than run away from these feelings I ran to CCOB to worship and welcome in the new year with people who not only show love to Him but to one another. It was at that moment that I said to God I need you! I want you! I want your love to get me through this! When I got home, I wrote Jesus a letter in my prayer journal apologizing for doubting Him and His love for me and telling Him I am ready to move on to a path where He is my guide. Where He is holding me and showing me what I am meant to do in His love and light.

This journey for the past 8 years has been one full of fear, doubt, tears, feeling lost, but one thing I know now that I wish I knew then is that Jesus is always with me and no matter what He will always love me and I am thrilled to have Him with me always. God Bless!